Wealthiest Americans Announce “Working Class Appreciation Day” Celebration

A spokesman for America’s wealthiest individuals and families announced at a hastily assembled Jackson Hole, Wyoming news conference that August 31 would be “Working Class Appreciation Day” with festivities across the nation.

“We couldn’t have done it without you,” Trey Wingold III told reporters. “If it weren’t for all the hard-working Americans who have sacrificed so mightily for the wealthy, we’d still be stuck in the upper middle class.”

Wingold specifically cited the willingness of working class people to take on dangerous, repetitive, and even dirty jobs for relatively low pay, just to maintain the high standards of wealth of America’s most affluent.

“We’re going to have events across the country to say thank you,” Wingold said. “Thank you for cleaning our yachts. Thank you for raising our children. Thank you for making sure that the highways are clean for our drivers, and thank you for being our drivers.”

The events will include traditional picnic-style meals with opportunities to meet actual wealthy Americans, fireworks, concerts, and other special gifts. The working class people who attend will be permitted to view the money they have provided the affluent in the form of wealth transfers via the stock market, taxes, and other means. The money will be stacked up on tables protected by heavily armed guards, themselves also members of the working class.

“The highlight of the festivities,” Wingold concluded, “will be a nationwide raffle. We’re giving away ten trips to India and China. We want people who are now out of work, thanks to the one-sided trade agreements that have made so many of us so incredibly wealthy, to have the opportunity to go to those countries and visit their old jobs.”