Bush Seeks To Improve Relations With India By Offering Them Casinos

President George W. Bush told a hastily assembled Mumbai, India news conference that he intends to improve U.S.-India relations by inviting Harrah's and MGM Grand to build casinos in the city.

"At home, we let our Indians have casinos," the President told reporters. "So I think you guys might like 'em, too. All of our Indians are clamoring for casinos. They provide jobs, much needed income, and help people on and off the reservation. You've got a lot of poor people here. I mean, a whole lot. More'n I've ever seen. Sprinkle a few casinos into the mix and you could be the next China."

The Bush Administration has painstakingly worked to improve U.S.-Indian relations in recent years, a major foreign policy initiative developed to counter the growing dominance of China and Japan in the region. The President's visit was arranged to announce new ties between the the U.S. and India; Mr. Bush's comments about casinos were not found in his prepared remarks.

"Yeah, you're basically a few blackjack tables away from eradicating the dire poverty you guys have over here," the President said. "You're kind of a hop, skip and a jump from a lot of Chinese cities, and those people like to gamble. Pai gow, mah jong. That kind of thing. It could help your tourism, too. Maybe add in a little luxury shopping and some Vegas-like shows. All I've seen here so far are poor people. I kept asking Laura, 'What exactly do you think the Beatles saw in this place? I mean, imagine leaving London in the '60s for this place? No offense intended, of course."

When told that traditional Indian culture forbade casino-styling gambling, the President replied, "You're saying that now. It's funny--that's what all the Indians said in my country, too. Just wait 'til my boy Steve Wynn gets over here. Maybe he can coax Siegfried and Roy out of retirement, or at least the one of them that didn't get bitten. You've got a lot of tigers over here--they could make some of them disappear, you know."

The President completed his visit to Mumbai with the comment that "This city looks a whole hellava lot like another Indian city, um, Bombay. Name even sounds the same or close to it. Y'all ought to look into that. Could be confusing for the casino developers."

When told that Mumbai was the new name for the city of Bombay, the President offered a terse "No comment."


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