Republican Presidential candidate John McCain last week married three different women in three different states, an embarassed spokesman told a hastily assembled Phoenix news conference.
"The Senator regrets the errors," Paul Eisenbach told reporters. "He wishes each of his three new brides the best, and is seeking annulments in each of his new marriages."
Senator McCain has recently been criticized for having met, pursued, and married his current wife while still being married to his first wife.
"Back when the Senator first met Cindy [his second wife]," Eisenbach explained, "he was still a little confused from his years of incarceration in a North Vietnamese prison camp. Psychologically, he wasn't sure if his first wife was actually his wife or a guard at the Hanoi Hilton, so in his mind he was free to pursue a new relationship."
This time, however, the Senator's three newest marriages "can only be described as carelessness," Eisenbach admitted. "He's been campaigning a lot, there are a lot of late nights, and frankly he forgets some things. But as President, he would have an entire Cabinet to remind him about important things, like where we're fighting a war and if we're winning or not."
Senator McCain's three new wifes each expressed "disappointment," according to a report in the Dissociated Press. "I would have loved to have been married to him," one of the wives, Vera McClendon, said. "He's a handsome and powerful man, although he kept calling me Kelly. In retrospect, I guess that should have been a warning sign."
In addition to the three marriages, Sen. McCain last week also accidentally opened up fifteen new bank accounts, bought six cars, and informed five members of Congress and his pet Rottweiler that each had been selected to run as Vice President on the Republican ticket this fall.
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