Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told a hastily assembled Teheran news conference that his nation's missile tests were meant only as a gesture of his infatuation with Hollywood star Jodie Foster.
"She is beautiful," Ahmadinejad told reporters. "I wish only to impress her with my love for her. I would blow up half the world to meet her."
Recent missile tests by Iran have been misinterpreted as bellicose gestures toward the West and toward Israel, but Ahmadinejad said that all of the analysts were wrong.
"America is our friend and our biggest customer," he said. "I don't mind the fact that oil prices keep rising. And if our missiles make oil more expensive, it only makes us more rich. But the missiles? I did them for Jodie. Does she even know I'm alive? You Americans know so little of the world beyond your borders."
Some analysts have noticed the coincidence that John Hinckley, Jr., the individual who shot President Ronald Reagan in 1982, also had a similar obsession with the actress and director. Ahmadinejad told reporters that he was aware that Hinckley was also infatuated with her, but was not impressed with the would-be Presidential assassin.
"Hinckley's father was in the oil business," Ahmadinejad said. "I am the oil business."
When asked if he had other romantic interests in Hollywood, in particular Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie, Ahmadinejad demurred.
"I would halt our entire nuclear program just to have a coffee with Jodie," Ahmadinejad confided. "Her movies are so intelligent. I will continue to fire missiles until her people call my people. One coffee. Is that too much to ask?"
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