Anti-Immigrant Group Announces "A Day Without Americans"

At a hastily arranged Washington, D.C. press conference, a spokesman for the anti-illegal immigrant group, Borders Without Doctors, announced that July 4 would be declared "A Day Without Americans."

"We want illegal immigrants to recognize just how dependent they are on us for everything from the banking system to government services," Paul Monger of Borders Without Doctors told reporters. "The immigrants have no idea just how much they can't get along without us."

Patterned after the annual Los Angeles, CA event "A Day Without Mexicans," the day will feature closings of banks, government offices, libraries, post offices, and other vital features of American life. When asked whether these would have been closed anyway, since July 4 is a national holiday, Monger dismissed this as "mere coincidence."

"We think immigrants have been taking what this country offers for granted," Monger said. "When they see what it's like to live without all the benefits of our society, they'll think twice about their attitude toward our nation."

Surveys indicate that most Americans would like to see limits on illegal immigrants, with the exceptions of the following groups: all employers; all unions; the Democratic and Republican Parties; all homeowners in Southern California; all homebuilders, meatpackers, and produce growers; and the Catholic Church.

A spokesperson for an immigrants' rights group said that the concept of "A Day Without Americans" was "unimpressive" and that since it was a U.S. holiday, most undocumented workers would simply take the day off.