Al Gore Vows "No Crumbcake Left Behind"

Former Vice President Al Gore, addressing a hastily assembled crowd of 20,000, announced his endorsement of Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama, just in time to be within two weeks of the end of Obama’s campaign against Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Gore has gained a considerable amount of weight since his most recent public appearance, which he attributes to a new response to global warming.

“I want to create a new movement called ‘No Crumbcake Left Behind,’ the newly rotund former Vice President told the audience. “In the short term, global warming is going to cause a drop in protective body fat for people. And in the long term, we are going to burn through all of our energy sources, and we’ll need extra body fat to keep warm. My answer: weight gain.”

Gore said that he wanted to institute in schools and workplaces a new respect for high cholesterol and obesity, making it the new societal norm, given the effect that climate change will have on the planet.

“We can’t stop global warming,” he said, promising a slide show on donuts, pastry, and finger foods that he would offer around the world. “But we can prepare our bodies individually to keep warm when the lights finally go out.”