Obama Taps Lewinsky For Veep; Claims It’s “Nothing Personal”

Presumptive Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama today
tapped former Bill Clinton paramour Monica Lewinsky as his Vice
Presidential Candidate, informing a hastily assembled Washington
press conference that the choice was "Nothing personal."

"I stand for change," said Obama, "and Ms. Lewinsky represented a
change for President Clinton from some of the other women he had
been involved with. So she stands for change, too."

Supporters of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton quickly denounced the
move as "tacky" and "beneath the dignity of the Presidential office.

An Obama spokesman replied that "former President Clinton had long
ago proven that nothing was beneath the dignity of the Presidential
office."

Obama told reporters that the primaries showed decisively that the
American people supported the idea of a female Presidential
candidate, which is what led him to choose Lewinsky for the role of
Vice President.

"She has served in the Oval Office," Obama told reporters. "How many
other women can say as much? Okay, possibly dozens or even
hundreds, while Bill Clinton was in there. But I'm not bitter or angry
at Hillary. She ran a great campaign, and just because I had to raise
and spend close to $60 million to lose embarrassing races in states
like Ohio and West Virginia in no way has made me feel bitter."

Lewinsky, Obama said, would appeal to a younger demographic. Her
nearly blank political record made her an ideal Vice Presidential
candidate, he said.

"Since nothing is known about her views," Obama said, "no one can
claim that her views are contrary to mine, because no one knows
what my views are, either. I'm just glad to have the primaries behind me."

Obama told reporters that prior to his choice of Lewinsky, he had
received "approximately 40 to 50" text messages and missed calls
from Sen. Clinton's cell phone, but none any later.

"I expect Sen. Clinton to stand by my Presidency," Obama said, "and
my choice of women, just as she did for Bill's."