Obama Heeds Surveys; Changes Name For Campaign

Presumptive Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama, bowing to public opinion surveys, will change his name for the duration of the Presidential campaign, he told a hastily assembled Chicago news conference.

"I'm just plain tired of having to explain my last name to people," Obama said. "It came up consistently in polling that I would have closed out Hillary months earlier if only I had a more normal sounding name."

Voters in Florida, as well as highly ignorant white male voters throughout the Rust Belt and Middle Atlantic states, indicated in exit polls that they would have voted for Obama if his name had not been Obama.

The Obama campaign has tested several dozen names in focus groups, coffee klatches, and one-on-one conversations with likely voters in the fall, the candidate said. Among the most popular names among those polled include Barack O'Bama, Barack Alabama, Barack Fujiyama, and Barack Cinerama, but the candidate has settled on the name "Michael Smith."

"There's something vague yet purposeful about the name Michael Smith," Obama/Smith explained, "just like my campaign. You have the sense that it stands for something, but it's hard to tell exactly what it stands for. The name Smith is all-American, traditional, and the alias for many bank robbers throughout our nation's history. It just felt right to me."

Obama/Smith indicated that further polling would be necessary in order to decide whether to keep the name Smith in the event that he wins the general election this fall.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Obama/Smith said. "For now, I think we have found a name that overcomes much of the concern that some Americans have about my religious and political orientation."

The candidate also acknowledged that, due to polling results among pockets of highly ignorant and suspicious likely voters in the Deep South, he would be wearing a large silver cross around his neck for the remainder of the campaign.