Federer To Compete In Both Tennis And Golf

Roger Federer will compete in the remaining major 2008 tournaments in both tennis and golf, to replace an ailing Tiger Woods, the tennis star told a hastily assembled Zurich, Switzerland press conference.

"Tiger is my friend, and we do those shaving advertisements where we both look, how do you say it in English, very butch," Federer told reporters. "I am sad that he cannot compete because he must have his knee operated. As the sole remaining superpower in individual sports, I feel it is my duty to compete in the British Open, the PGA Championship, and also the Ryder Cup. How hard can golf be?"

Federer acknowledged that he has never played a competitive round of golf in his life, "Although Tiger once took me to the driving range behind his house and had me pick up the balls after he hit them. He told me that was a very important part of golf matches, although I had never seen it happen on TV."

Federer said that he would take lessons between now and the British Open in July.

"Frankly, the game does not look that hard to me," Federer told reporters. "You hit the ball, no one is hitting it back to you. You walk, you never run. If you can't find the ball, there are hundreds of people who will find it for you. What is so interesting about golf?"

Federer suggested that Woods' knee might not be in as bad shape as people thought during the recent U.S. Open at Torrey Pines. "If the game is that hard," Federer said, "you can't win with a bad knee. And if your knee isn't bad, then there must be some other explanation. You know, Woods has a very hot wife. If you were Tiger, who would you rather spend the weekend looking at, her or Jim Furyk?"

Asked whether there was a quid pro quo involved, Federer nodded. "I am going to play these golf matches this year, and next year, Tiger is going to fill in for me at the French Open.

"That is, if his 'knee injury' has healed all the way back," the tennis champion added with a smirk. "I mean, you've all seen her, right?"