Bush Urges Sale of Six States to Dubai World Ports

President Bush told a hastily assembled Dubai news conference that he was urging Congress to pass his proposed legislation to sell six states to Dubai with the deal to close by the end of summer.

“Dubai is more cash-rich than ever,” Bush told reporters, “and it’s an act of great goodwill on their part to absorb financial responsibility for six of the states hit hardest by the extremely high price of gasoline.”

The President said he was “still disappointed” that the American people had forced Congress to turn down his move to sell major American ports, including the port of New York, to Dubai World Ports in 2006.

“That deal was bought and paid for,” Bush said, in remarks not found in the official version of his comments released prior to the press conference. When he noticed puzzled looks in the audience, he explained, “That deal had the full support of the intelligence community and did not in any way compromise the safety of the United States by allowing a government knee-deep in funding terrorists to have unlimited access to our ports.”

The President said that selling six states—New York, New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Florida—to Dubai would “lessen our dependence on foreign oil, because now, for those states, Dubai oil would be domestic oil, right?”

Reporters noticed that the President was wearing a new, solid gold Rolex watch, solid gold Gucci loafers, a solid gold 10-gallon hat, and a solid gold rodeo-style belt buckle that appeared to weigh at least 30 pounds, from the way it was dragging down his new, solid-gold pants.

When asked whether he had personally accepted any gratuities from the ruling family of Dubai, and whether the six states in question were most likely to vote Democratic in the upcoming Presidential election, the President wiped his brow with a solid gold handkerchief and offered reporters a terse “No comment.”