Tijuana, Juarez To Offer "Violence-Free Tuesdays"

In an effort to stem the massive loss of tourism due to violence
stemming from control of Mexico's lucrative cocaine trade, the
once-thriving border cities of Tijuana and Juarez have announced a
new program to lure back visitors: "Violence-Free Tuesdays."

"We need to offer our American guests certainty that they can visit
our charming border towns, experience traditional Mexican culture
and hospitality, and not be accidentally shot to death by gun-toting
marauders or by the Mexican federal police who have been bought
and paid for by the drug cartels," Fernando Lopez-Ortilla told a
hastily arranged news conference in Mexico City.

Lopez-Ortilla reminded journalists that "Tijuana and Juarez have
typically provided our guests with the opportunity to purchase
Mexican-made goods and souvenirs, like blankets and sombreros, and
perhaps even attend bullfights or horse races, without the concern
that they will be caught in the crossfire of submachine guns or AK-47s
and bleed to death without appropriate medical care on our charming
paseos and wide, traditional boulevards.”

"Working with the drug cartels," he continued, "we have been able to
convince almost all parties to declare a temporary ceasefire in the
endless round of drug-related murders of entire families and innocent
by-standers, every Tuesday, from dawn until approximately 6:30 p.m.
After that, our beloved American guests, quite honestly, will be on
their own."

Drug-related violence has claimed dozens of lives in recent months in
the charming, traditional border cities across from San Diego and El
Paso, creating a chilling effect on tourism and depressing the
economies of the two Mexican communities, home to many historical
Mexican sights such as adobe houses and century-old mission
churches, many of which now double as hideaways and redoubts
for heavily armed drug couriers, some as young as 12 years old.

"Our message to Americans is that Tijuana and Juarez are reasonably
safe, at least during daylight hours on Tuesdays, assuming that no
major transshipments of cocaine are taking place on those days, and
we have assurances from most of the drug cartel leaders that such is
the case," Lopez-Ortilla said.

When asked about the effect of high demand for cocaine in the
United States on the bucolic, delightful border communities of Juarez
and Tijuana, Lopez-Ortilla replied, "We are working with the United
States Government to see if the American people would be willing to
declare Thursdays "No Cocaine Transshipped Through Mexico
Thursdays. But so far, we haven't had any luck yet."