Series of Near-Misses Nearly Mar Obama-Clinton Unity Rally

A strange series of near-mishaps came close to casting an unpleasant shadow on an otherwise picture-perfect rally in Unity, New Hampshire featuring the first joint post-campaign appearance of Democratic Presidential rivals Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

“Oops!” Sen. Clinton was heard to say, as she tripped on the jetway stairs leading to the private jet the pair flew from Washington to Manchester, New Hampshire, nearly pushing Sen. Obama to the tarmac 20 feet below.

“My bad!” Sen. Clinton interjected when, on the flight, she nearly spilled a ten gallon container of boiling hot coffee onto the presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee, who jumped out of the way at the last second.

“Clumsy me!” Sen. Clinton admitted, as she accidentally fell backwards boarding the bus from Manchester to Unity, N.H., nearly causing Sen. Obama to topple over into a bank of TV cameras with unusually sharp lenses.

“I’m such a ditz,” Sen. Clinton acknowledged, as she bent down to look for a contact lens just as Sen. Obama stepped in her path to the dais at the hastily assembled campaign rally in Unity.

“Who gave me this locked and loaded assault weapon?” Sen. Clinton asked, confused, as she inadvertently pointed the weapon at various dignitaries, with whom Sen. Obama was shaking hands as the rally began.

“I’m such a doofus,” Sen. Clinton told reporters, as she accidentally pulled the pin on a live hand grenade at the conclusion of the event, sending onlookers scurrying for the exits and pinning Sen. Obama under a scrum of Secret Service agents.

“I’m all for party unity,” Sen. Clinton said, as she swung her arms wide to acknowledge thousands of her cheering supporters, as she unwittingly almost knocked Sen. Obama to the pavement which was mistakenly strewn with broken glass. “Can we still hope to see Hillary Clinton at the top of the ticket? Yes, we can!”