"Even by Southern standards, this is unprecendented," Dr. James Parsons, a Mississippi OB/GYN told a hastily arranged LIberty, Mississippi press conference. "It appears that Jamie Lynn Spears' new baby girl was born pregnant."
Spears, 17, is the unmarried, possibly unnaturally blonde sister of actress and role model Britney Spears. Her boyfriend is a pipe-layer in his 20s. In addition to laying pipe, he coincidentally also works as a pipe layer.
"We've decried for years the phenomenon of 'babies having babies,'" Dr. Parsons said, "but this is a new one for us, even here in south Mississippi."
The as-yet unnamed baby girl was born healthy and approximately eleven weeks pregnant, according to sources close to the Spears family.
"We know that girls are having babies younger and younger," a spokesperson for the Spears family told the press conference. "But this takes the cake. OK, not the cake. The formula."
The teen pregnancy rate rose in 2007 for the first time in years, researchers say, in part because of movies like "Knocked Up," which have a "pro-unmarried pregnancy" message, and also because "there's not that much else to do," a pregnant 15-year-old girl told the Dissociated Press.
"We expect that Jamie Lynn will raise both her baby and her grandchild as siblings," Dr. Parsons said. "It's a lot of responsibility for a 17-year-old, but we think Jamie Lynn is up to the task. And Britney can babysit, when she is not in rehab or jail."
As for whether Jamie Lynn Spears was indeed a natural blonde, Dr. Parsons offered a terse "No comment."
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