Shadowy Internet Splinter Group Blames 9/11 on Siegfried and Roy

9/11TrueFacts.Org, a heretofore unknown Internet-based political action group, today held a hastily arranged news conference to go public with evidence that the 9/11 attacks were actually the responsibility of long-time Las Vegas magicians Siegfried and Roy.

“We want to place the facts before the American public and let them decide,” Vernon Eggleston told reporters. “9/11 didn’t happen the way most people think. Those two Vegas magicians just made those buildings vanish.”

Eggleston explained that even though as many as one third of all Americans believed that the U.S. government knew in advance of the attacks, fired a missile at one of the passenger jets, or that explosives had been placed throughout both World Trade Center towers and then exploded, all of these theories were “rubbish.”

“The American people should be way too sophisticated to fall for nonsense like that,” Eggleston scoffed. “It’s tragic that such foolish ideas should find so ready and so large an audience, especially when all the evidence points to Siegfried and Roy.”

In response to a reporter’s question, Eggleston pointed the attendees to the 9/11TrueFacts.Org website, which he said detailed the Siegfried and Roy plot. A perusal of that website revealed documents, photos, and video explaining how the German magicians had used large mirrors, held by invisible helicopters hovering over the Hudson River, to make the buildings appear to vanish.

The motive for the disappearance of the Trade Center towers, the website indicated, was to promote the opening a Manhattan-style deli at the New York, New York Casino on the Las Vegas Strip.

“Siegfried and Roy are known lovers of fine deli,” Eggleston pointed out, “and the magicians were on ‘vacation’ at the time of the so-called ‘attacks.’

Elaine Monsky, spokesperson for the Mirage Hotel, where Siegfried Fischbacher and Roy Horn performed for many years, denied that the magicians had any involvement with the 9/11 attacks. Monsky also said that the men were longterm vegetarians, did not eat deli, and had no relationship, business or otherwise, with the New York, New York Casino.

Eggleston, contacted by phone later in the day and confronted with Monsky’s version of the facts, replied knowingly, “That’s just what they want you to think.”

A 7-year-old white tiger named Montecore could not be reached for comment.