Concerned about collapsing fan interest and TV ratings for golf tournaments while Tiger Woods rehabs his knee, PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem told a hastily assembled Augusta, Georgia news conference that he would place an asterisk on victories that any other golfers win.
“Let’s tell the truth,” Finchem told reporters. “If Tiger isn’t there, it’s not the same thing. We’re just going to do to our golfers what Ford Frick did to Roger Maris when he eclipsed Babe Ruth’s home run record. Golf, unlike the NBA and pro wrestling, is all about telling the truth.”
Finchem admitted that attendance, sponsorship, and corporate packages had dropped by sixty percent since Woods announced that he would not compete in any more tournaments in 2008.
“We have taken steps to make the game more fan-friendly,” Finchem said. “We’re going to allow fans to do the wave, use their cellphones, get autographs from players during competitive rounds, and shout encouragement before each shot. We’re also going to have lucky fans putt for their favorite golfers on each par-3. They’ll be chosen by our new scantily clad Golf Girls, who are modeled after the Lakers cheerleading squad and the Knick City Dancers.”
Face painting for children at each tee, the use of golf carts by fans to get from hole to hole, and free sleeves of golf balls to the first 10,000 attendees will round out the new marketing initiative, Finchem said.
At the upcoming Buick Open, the PGA will also debut its newest slogan, "These guys don't suck."
“But I’m hearing the most excitement about the Jim Furyk look-alike contest,” Finchem told reporters. “This could be the best thing to hit golf since the mashie niblick.”
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment