Israel, Hamas Truce Expected To Last "For Many Minutes"

Israeli government spokesman Ehud Shwarma and an unidentified, heavily armed and masked spokesman for Hamas jubilantly announced a truce that had taken seven months to negotiate, at a hastily arranged Tel Aviv news conference.

The truce is expected to last "for many minutes," the unidentified, heavily armed and masked Hamas spokesman said, as Mr. Shwarma nodded in agreement.

In the past, truces between Israel and Hamas, which have taken an average of 11 months to negotiate, have lasted as long as fifteen seconds.

"We are very excited that this truce has the chance to stop, for at least a few wonderful moments, the cycle of violence that has lasted for generations," Israeli spokesman Shwarma said.

"This is the chance of a lifetime to stop the bombing for, you know, long enough for people to go outside and have a cigarette," the unidentified, heavily armed and masked Hamas spokesman said. "Maybe longer."

In other world news, pigs flew in formation over Jerusalem, the floods in the American Midwest subsided by themselves, the Chicago Cubs won the World Series for the first time in a century, and the new Israel-Hamas cease fire was broken after six minutes and thirty seconds, a new record.