Domestic Spending Rises, Pelosi Says, Noting Congress Is Hiring More Domestics

Domestic spending is up by eighteen percent to approximately $11.6 million a year, according to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Left Coast), who addressed a hastily assembled Washington, D.C. press conference.

"Congresspeople and their spouses are paying more money than ever to their domestics," the Speaker said. "This shows that even in a dismal economy like this, we're still creating jobs."

Pelosi said that ever since the Zoe Baird scandal, when a Clinton nominee for Attorney General had turned out to be employing an illegal immigrant as a nanny, “We’ve all been trying to hire only legal domestics. Buy American, right?”

Congresspeople had a greater choice of domestics than ever, because more and more people have lost better-paying jobs. Also, because of Congress’s negligent handling of the home loan crisis, more people have lost their homes this year than ever before, meaning that more live-in help is available for Congresspeople and their growing families.

“In a recession like this,” Pelosi told reporters, “it’s just nice for us to have a broader selection of legal domestics from whom to chose. We all look back wistfully on the era when you could pay someone six bucks an hour under the table, but that’s as ancient history as $3-gallon unleaded.”

Congress was considering a bill that would grant itself a 26% pay raise, in order to stimulate the economy by additional Congressional spending on things like restaurant meals, new clothes, jewelry, and good seats at sporting events.

“America’s in a bad way,” Pelosi told the press. “We’re here to help.”